Mental load My husband is a great guy and he honestly does not understand why I am on edge at times lately ( and occasionally ugly crying in my “ depression bathrobe” ) . We are safe, we have jobs and a roof over our heads. So I explain to him “mental load”, a term that is commonly used and discussed now. Like the term “unprecedented “ ( Dear lord I am tired of that word). We are all struggling in someway over these last 10 months, but what I want to discuss is the mental load specifically of Moms. This is not because I think that you need to be a mom to be struggling or that Dad‘s aren’t experiencing their share of it. I am speaking from personal experience and from what I am hearing from my friends and many of my patients who happened to be Moms.
Let’s be perfectly honest here and real and say that we were already stressed out before this pandemic. We were juggling children’s academics and sports and activities and play dates while trying to further ourselves in our careers and manage our homes and cook healthy clean meals while staying in shape and keeping things spicy in our relationships. Then cue the 2020 pandemic. We withdrew from socialization trying to force awkward zoom wine dates with our friends. We watched the Tiger King. We might’ve even watched it twice. We felt compelled to make homemade bread with yeast even though we don’t really eat bread. We muddled through having our kids home in the spring and made it to summer where we started to feel more comfortable socializing again. However here we are in December. And it’s about a week before Christmas. And Covid numbers are up. If we dare to go into stores the displays are of hand sanitizer and Christmas themed facemasks. Cue anxiety. Most of us have resorted to online shopping which has some benefits but also robs you of the experience of picking up those cute little trinkets you find last minute in a store. Many of us lost the motivation to exercise when we couldn’t go to our gyms. Many of us lost our usual routines and meal planning. Many many of us have long since given up on our jeans in favor of leggings out of necessity. And there is nothing like gaining a few pounds to really improve your mood, right ladies ?? We are trying to work, from home. So in between work tasks and emails we are emptying the dishwasher, the gosh darn dishwasher that is now being filled and emptied twice a day. We find ourselves doing work tasks when we’re supposed to be having family time. The boundaries become very blurred. Our kids are struggling. They miss their friends, they miss routine. They spent too much time on electronics. They get behind in their classes. Their grades are impacted. We worry. Constantly. About their mental health. We try to give more and be more present while we are already depleted. We worry about our parents getting sick. We worry about vaccines and if they are safe and effective. We forget to schedule the vet appointment and we are certain that we haven’t shaved our legs in weeks. We use dry shampoo. And we try to put on the holiday magic we always do because we are trying to create joy and the feeling of “ normal”. Outside we have on our Santa hat and a smile. And inside we are like Clark when he gets the jelly of the month club.
I’d like to consider myself a positive person. And I have a great support system and I do all the things I’m supposed to do to take care of myself. And I’m still treading water. And if you read this far I know you are too and I see you. We have made it this far because we can do hard things. We have to let go of unrealistic expectations ourselves right now. We have to ask for help when we need it. We have to be gentle with ourselves.
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